Grace and Rejection

I’ve had quite a few setbacks (who hasn’t?), some of my own design and some because, well…life. Often it takes the proverbial 20/20 hindsight to see the grace that has resulted. But there are times when it’s more immediate.

My faith is an important foundation of my writing. It is my why. Not to proselytize or to preach, or even write specifically to the Christian market, but to acknowledge and give thanks to Jesus Christ. Whatever knack or drive I have to pursue this crazy dream, it comes from him and through it I want to honor him. My love for writing is a gift that every day I’m thankful for, even in the heartbreak.

Last February, while I was in the midst of pursuing my degree, I was feeling pretty low when it comes to writing. My thesis, a memoir, was just not working and I was questioning why I had chosen a genre completely out of my wheelhouse. I was also getting rejections on my middle grade novel, with the last of the outstanding queries coming in. All were no. Between school and heavy family responsibilities I had zero mental and emotional bandwidth left to spare. Because querying takes a good dose of both, it was time to take a break until I finished school a year later.

Not long after this decision, I came across an agent during one of many procrastination scrolls through Twitter. Her profile caught my eye. In it she declared her faith, the same as mine. When I explored further, I saw that my novel lined up with items on her wishlist. Because I don’t believe much is by accident, I decided to send out one more query. As is usually the case, the wait began. After almost five months I hadn’t heard anything and deemed that query a CNR – “Closed, No Response.” Then, a couple of weeks later it happened…a full request! It was one of the best feelings I’ve had as a writer. As the saying goes, God’s timing is perfect. It was the encouragement I needed and I am so grateful for it.

Over the next 48 hours I pored over my manuscript, giving it a quick copyedit for the umpteenth time and then sent it out. Once again I was in the PST — Publishing Standard Time — zone. Over those many months I kept tabs on the agent, reading interviews and periodically checking her Twitter. Don’t worry, I wasn’t stalking the poor woman…she had also followed me. Everything pointed to wanting to work with her, especially the vision she had for her own writing as well as her clients’. Of course I prayed for the ultimate outcome I desired, but I also prayed for her and her authors’ success because I ardently believe we need more of that vision in middle grade and young adult books. Again, not necessarily religious writing but stories that reflect the hope to be found in even the darkest aspects of life that kids and teens face.

So I suppose, reader, you are holding your breath waiting for me to reveal that big “yes” moment. Exhale unless you want to pass out, because it didn’t happen. Almost a year after I sent out my original query, she sent me a kindly written pass and I can confirm it hurt. I took a few days to wade through my disappointment and hang onto the “gratitude attitude” (confession: it wasn’t easy). Then I followed through on a promise I made to God or rather he asked me to make.

I sent a reply back to the agent, thanking her for considering my work. I shared my appreciation for her vision and simple, non-confrontational declaration of her faith, saying that I aspired to both in my own writing. I then told her I would continue to pray for her and her clients’ success. Expressing these thoughts lifted a weight off of my shoulders, knowing that this kind person was given the encouragement so many need to hear. I had no expectations of a response, yet one came almost immediately and it was filled with gratitude, joy, and a promise to pray for me as well.

I felt overwhelmed by grace and incredibly blessed. I still do. It was, without a doubt, the best moment of my writing career thus far. In fact, it may never be topped. Not because I’ve given up, but because I will always count this as a huge success thanks to the One who has led me right to where he wants me to be.

It also reminded me that agents and other publishing professionals are mostly decent people who don’t have a giant reject button they take joy in hitting. They are actually rooting for us and we should root for them, because it’s not easy on either side. We all carry the disappointments that come with partaking in this tough industry. We’ve all had doors shut on us and been rejected. So really, there are no sides. It’s all a shared passion for words and writing and books and all the magic that springs forth.

What a wonderful gift.